I’ve been in a bit of a rut lately.

Not in a dramatic, everything’s-falling-apart way. Just that slow, quiet kind of rut where you wake up and something feels off. You still show up, but to get it done. You still manage to tick the boxes, but it’s with a layer of sadness through the middle.

This morning I walked down to the beach. It was the last thing I felt like doing, but I knew I needed to. Some kind of saltwater reset. Some way to move the energy out of myself.

And the thought that hit me, standing there on the sand, was this:
I feel like I’ve been at war with myself.

That’s the best way I can describe it.

Not all the time. Most days I’m cruising - doing what I love, building something that matters. But some days I’m really caught in the fight. The inner critic’s louder than usual. My actions and my thoughts don’t line up. I can’t tell if I’m chasing the right things or just trying to escape the wrong ones. I close off, and get super anxious.

If you’ve ever felt like that, if your mind has ever turned against you a little - I want to share what’s helped me lay down the weapons lately.

Here’s what’s been helping:

1. Walk.
No headphones. No phone if possible… I’ll sometimes chuck on a podcast, but honestly, I find the quiet is better. Something about walking when you “should” be doing something else breaks the spell. It gets you out of your head and into your body. You breathe deeper. You soften. The voice in your head stops sounding like truth and starts sounding like noise you can tune out of.

2. Share.
Doesn’t matter how. Write it. Record a voice memo. Message someone you trust. Let the pressure out of the system. This newsletter is exactly that for me.
I’ve got journals full of messy thoughts, half-written songs, 20-minute brain dumps I’ll never listen back to, but they helped in the moment.
And I’ve come to believe this:
Art is just pain, given somewhere to go.
Let your feelings move. Give them a shape. Make it beautiful. It might help someone else too.

3. Clean your space.
This one always gets me. My room is a direct mirror of my state. When I’m spiralling, it shows. After writing this, I’m going to sort my space out.
It’s worth trying to make the external calm first, even if the internal isn’t there yet.
Put on some music. Set a timer. Tidy one corner. The shift is small, but it’s real. You feel different after.

I think a lot of this inner war is born from the weight of expectation.

We carry so many stories about who we’re supposed to be, how our life should look, what’s “normal,” what’s “successful.” And when we fall short, or question the path we’re on, we turn on ourselves. We blame, spiral, and tighten the grip.

But the war isn’t helping - It’s not making any of us “better”.

And when I zoom out, I realise this war is so tragic for one reason:

It’s me vs. me.

The enemy is just another part of myself I haven’t learned to love yet.

So here’s the truth I’m trying to remember:

That means letting go of…

And instead, choosing love.

Choosing care.
Choosing softness.
Choosing to not make life harder than it needs to be.

So if your mind’s been a battlefield lately, try this:

Go for a walk.
Tidy your room.
Call a mate.
Open the notes app.
Write something messy and true.

You don’t need to be perfect.

You don’t need to have it all figured out.

You just need to be kind to yourself—especially when it feels hardest.

And if you forget, come back to this:

You are not your thoughts.
You are not behind.
You are not broken.

You’re a human being, and that’s enough.

— Sam

ps: If you’re a videographer, or content creator, check this out.

I also make pretty controversial convos with myself here.

I also (last one) made a day in the life which is kinda a vibe on youtube here.