It's the 1st of February, 2026.

One month into the year I promised myself I wouldn't go back.

Not back to a degree I didn't care about; that promise was 2024. Or to playing it small; that was 2025. I promised myself I wasn't going to go back to a place I struggled to name: An intermittent depression, anxiety... Not exactly either of those things individually but something to do with both of them. Those words have become so catastrophised and overused that whether they’ve been accurate for me in 2025 or not, I’m going to call it all a “sadness” for now.

Throughout the second half of 2025, that's where I lived, and now a month after promising I was done with that, the pull to return to it couldn't be stronger; and I've come to such a strange realisation as to why.

It’s got something to do with the courage to be happy.

The courage to be happy?

Does that sound counterintuitive to you too? Fair enough if it does. Let’s take a step back.

Throughout all of my late teens and early twenties, I’ve wrestled with meaning, and found comfort in an unusual place, and that was in deciding I was chronically misunderstood and different.

Wait, again… decided that?

Well, yeah, if I’m being brutally honest with myself. I was looking for an answer, and that was the easiest one. The “no one understands” mindset. It’s actually quite comfortable there. Comfortable because it’s an answer of some sort to the question. A place to reside and let the world pass over you. Like tucking your head under the blanket to feel safe in the dark as a kid. It’s not really making you any safer, but it feels like it does, and it’s the easier than facing the darkness in search of the light.

Along with that feeling of being different, came a comfort in being sad. I’m still new to uncovering this all, but I know I got hooked on it. Again, it was this answer, this place for me to go instead of exploring something much scarier.

In 2025, amidst a breakup combined with working like crazy, writing a book and trying to do everything at once, I found myself looking for comfort somewhere.

I knew I couldn’t let it be this sadness again, where I throw away my work, go quiet, and loathe the entire world. This easy option. The sheets in my bed. The retreat from the beauty of life.

So I cut drinking for a couple months, “locked in” for a bit, finished my book, searched for balance etc… and sure, I had a good run there through summer for a bit. Each time this empty feeling knocked on the door, I either managed to hold it off, or had a one night stand of sorts with sadness, and found some motivation from a Tony Robbins podcast, or some book, to get out of it.

But I’m just running away from the sadness.

And It’s because of this.

You must be courageous.

Bold.

Brave.

Gutsy.

To be happy.

Or something like that - maybe that’s just me. You might just be happy (good!)

I’m not re writing any laws about the mind or the heart, but right now, I’ve realised this:

Happiness requires showing something of me, unprotected, which I’m too scared to lose.

What is it?

That’s what I’m looking for now. The thing that got threatened that a few panic attacks strategically closed off to protect me.

The things that would crush me in my past relationship for some mysterious reason.

So if this writing has resonated at all with you, I hope you decide to be courageous today, and be happy.

It’s a new month, a new week, a new day, a new moment in time.

And you are the one that can make this moment a happy one. It might just take a lot more courage than making it a sad one.

The lesson I’ve learnt that might help you:

I don’t think the real story is about depression or struggle. I think it’s been about unconsciously choosing suffering as a safer alternative to showing up unprotected in life.
Sadness gave me an identity, an answer, a place to hide.
Happiness requires me to be exposed. To care about something, to want something, and to risk losing something I can’t name yet.

The sadness is the blanket over your head.
The real work,
is finding out who you’re protecting underneath it.

ps; feel free to reply with thoughts on this - I’m notoriously shit at replying, but I read everything I get. If this letter made no sense to you, then I envy you a little,

Sam

ps. You can read my book The 3rd Path here [click me]

Sam Witness is a filmmaker, mentor, and creator who helps young people escape the University Tunnel and design lives of freedom, creativity, and purpose.

After dropping out of university at 20 with no plan — just a camera and a calling — Sam turned his passion into a global movement inspiring thousands to choose a different path. Through his videos, writing, and mentorship, he equips young adults to ditch the script and build a life that’s truly their own.

Creating a “3rd Path” is his deepest mission — a rallying cry for those who were never meant to fit in.